A Series of Perverted Events
by yummycherrygum
Summary: This is a story of great pervertiness. Enter at your own risk. Rated M for Rape and sexual situation, although none of it is graphic. Well, it's about Hermione raping a lot of people in the muggle and wizarding worlds... Anyways, feel free to read it!
1. One Summer Morning

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... Happy?**

**Author's Note: Hey! This is my first story, ever! If you want to review and ramble on how I'm a pervert and how disgusting my story is, you don't need to! I already know those things, but if you want to review anyways, feel free to!**

One summer morning, Hermione woke up incredibly hyper and bored all at once. Not a very good combination, if you ask me. Anyways! She wanted to do something very exciting, so she decided to show up at Number 4 Privet Drive, and rape Harry's relatives: The Dursley's.

So, Hermione got dressed ready to apparate over at Harry's. Suddenly, she remembered that she forgot to put a tampon on, since it was the time of the month. Hermione ran in the washroom, shoved a tampon between her legs, and quickly got out. _Now_, she thought, _I'm ready to rape the Dursley's!_

She apparated in front of the Dursley Residence, full of excitement.

"I'm gonna rape the Dursleys!" she squealed, rubbing her hands together maliciously.

She kicked the door open, and, to her surprise, found the Dursleys lying on the ground of the entrance hall, already raped.

"Oh, man!" she moaned.

Harry suddenly came out of nowhere, and when I say nowhere, I mean nowhere!

"Hey Hermione! What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Well, I was just about to rape your relatives, but someone else did it before me" said Hermione, eying him in anger.

"Oh, don't blame me, I have needs to fulfill" chuckled Harry.

"Well, so do I!" glared Hermione.

"Sorry! You could always rape them another time!" said Harry.

"Yeah, whatever..." blooped Hermione.

Harry didn't know what to say, so he just looked at the Dursleys lying on the floor motionless. Uncle Vernon was wearing a hot pink kimono, with fluffy socks, Aunt Petunia was wearing a black stripper's lingerie, and Dudley was wearing nothing but fuzzy pink slippers. So, for approximately 12 hours, Harry was just staring at those figures, while Hermione was watching Anime Porn in the basement. Suddenly, Dudley's privates gave Harry a brilliant idea.

"Hey Hermione! Wanna go clubbing!" said Harry.

"Sure!" screamed Hermione in joy. _More people to rape_, she thought.

They apparated in front of a muggle club in downtown London, somewhere near the Leaky Cauldron. They entered the club and Hermione rushed towards the bartender.

"One Pepto-Bismol, please!" shouted Hermione.

The bartender gave her an odd but still served her what she demanded.

"There you go..." said the bartender.

"Yay!" squealed Hermione, as she drank the whole bottle in one gulp.

Harry and Hermione went on the dance floor, and Hermione, being drunk on Pepto-Bismol, started rubbing her rear on Harry's face. Harry ran away like a scared little pup and sat down into a chair. Hermione rushed after him. Harry started twitching horrifically in front of Hermione.

"Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Uh... I need to go to the washroom! I think I have diarrhea!" whined Harry.

"You mean you have an intestinal disorder characterized by abnormal frequency and fluidity of fecal evacuations?" squealed Hermione.

"Yeah, whatever!" Harry yelled.

He looked over at the first person he saw: Crabbe... and Goyle.

"Can you guys take Hermione home, because I think she might become a prostitute if I leave her in London alone" said Harry.

"Sure, man!" said Crabbe and Goyle both at once.

As Hermione was drunk because of all the Pepto-Bismol she drank, she didn't mind Crabbe and Goyle taking her home. She had drunk so much that she blacked out while she was walking with Crabbe and Goyle towards the Leaky Cauldron. When she woke she was chained to the floor of a strange room she didn't recognize she was naked and sore all over. Her lip was bleeding and swollen and she had several cuts on her breasts. _Fuck, they raped me _she thought. After a couple of minutes of thoughts, she realized that getting raped by Crabbe and Goyle would be the best that she could get, so she didn't seem to mind. She decided that the wisest thing to do in a situation like this is to fall back asleep, and wait to be raped again.

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**Author's Comment: So... how was my first chapter? If you have any ideas of possible rapes or how Hermione could get out of this "sticky" (Pun intended ;)) situation, add it to your review!**


	2. The Unbelievable Itch

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I own YUMMY CHERRY GUM!**_  
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**Author's Note: Mmkay, review and read or read and review... Mmkay. I love reviews, mmkay? Good and bad ones... Mmkay?**_  
_

_As Hermione was drunk because of all the Pepto-Bismol she drank, she didn't mind Crabbe and Goyle taking her home. She had drunk so much that she blacked out while she was walking with Crabbe and Goyle towards the Leaky Cauldron. When she woke she was chained to the floor of a strange room she didn't recognize she was naked and sore all over. Her lip was bleeding and swollen and she had several cuts on her breasts. Fuck, they raped me she thought. After a couple of minutes of thoughts, she realized that getting raped by Crabbe and Goyle would be the best that she could get, so she didn't seem to mind. She decided that the wisest thing to do in a situation like this is to fall back asleep, and wait to be raped again._

Sadly, trying to fall asleep did not work, so she just lied on there floor sniffing herself. While lying there, Hermione reflected on everything she had done this wonderful day. One could have guessed that the ex-summer morning, once so peaceful and attractive, could have turned into an ugly kidnapping/rape by the Crabbe-Goyle duo, because of the sinful start of lusting after Dursleys. Strikingly, Hermione felt a very uncomfortable itch lurking in her crotch. _Grrrrr,_ she thought, _my baby-making-engine is ever so **itchy**!_ Hermione started rubbing her two legs together, in hope of getting rid of this Merlin-forsaken itch. Without success, this young girl wished that she could get raped right now, in order to get rid of this demonic itch. Little did she know that outside this chamber, someone she knew very well was watching her closely.

The unknown figure standing outside of the chamber was none other than... someone you'll recognize in a minute. That stranger stayed out of Hermione's sight, watching her struggling on the floor, rubbing her legs together. _What in the name of Eargit the Ugly is wrong with her?!_, he thought. After another good 5 minutes of waiting, the unknown figure decided to get on with his plan.

Hermione, having given up on the itch, sat up against the wall, looking around. _This is better than any situation I've ever been in!_, thought Hermione, joyfully, _this room is even light up by moonlight_! Hermione's eyes suddenly stayed fix on one location: The doorway. She could see a human figure standing right outside of the room. _I wonder who it might be_, thought Hermione. Hermione, being the idiotic whore that she is said:

"Hello, who's there?"

The dark figure decided that it was time that he shall reveal himself. He stepped into the light of the room. Hermione could notice his shiny platinum hair and his lifeless grey eyes. Hermione could now realize, under the moonlight, who this man was: It was Malfoy.

"Hello, my dear Granger" said Malfoy, solemnly.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE OR ELSE I'LL EAT ALL THE BABIES YOU'LL EVER HAVE!" shrieked Hermione.

Malfoy looked into her eyes for a moment, and then started sobbing thunderously. Hermione didn't know what was going on: Malfoy was crying because she just threw a lame excuse?

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU HEMMOROID-FACED PIG!" yelled Hermione, in frustration.

Malfoy started sobbing even louder, without stopping to breathe. _Double-You-Tee-Eff?_, thought Hermione silently, _what is wrong with that guy!_

After one more hour of weeping, Draco finally seemed to have ended this crisis.

"I'm sorry..." said Malfoy.

"It's mmkay" said Hermione, chewing some yummy cherry gum, "What was up with that, mmkay?"

"Well... I accidentally took Pansy's birth control pills..." said Malfoy, fearfully.

"Mmkay" chewed Hermione, somewhat alike of a cow, "So... What are you doing here, mmkay?"

"Well, I was going to rape you—" started Malfoy.

"WELL, GO AHEAD, MMKAY!" yelled Hermione, who wanted to get rid of the prickly itch.

"If you say so..." said Malfoy.

"I SAY SO!" roared Hermione.

As fast as the wind, Draco raped Hermione repeatedly for about 2 hours, 36 minutes and 43 seconds, while Hermione laying back and enjoying the ride. After that orgasmic rollercoaster was over, Hermione finally realized she had swallowed her yummy cherry gum.

"Well, that's better" said Hermione, talking about her itch.

"I know, I've been told" grinned Malfoy, proudly.

"Oh, not you... You got rid of my Merlin forsaken itch!" commented Hermione, "I mean... you do have hemorrhoids also over your body—"

All of the sudden, Malfoy started sobbing once again. _Hohmeegosh, how many pills did he take!,_ thought Hermione.

"SORRY! I didn't mean to!" apologized Hermione.

As fast as he started sobbing, he stopped.

"That was fast... Anyways, can I go now?" whined Hermione.

"Only if you..." said Draco, looking like a sexual predator, "KISS ME!"

"Mmkay..." said Hermione.

Hermione started making out with Draco violently. She tasted his tongue, and, no it didn't taste sweet, salty or spicy like the other fan fictions stated. It tasted... it tasted like spit. Just like any other kiss. Like SPIT! YOU HEAR ME?! LIKE FUCKING SPIT! Hermione broke the kiss; her mouth full of Malfoy's SPIT.

"HAHA!" chanted Draco, "You now have Hepatitis A!"

"Mmkay" said Hermione, "I mean, I already have herpes and crabs. Hepatitis will bring some more flavour"

Malfoy looked at her disbelievingly, while Hermione took a dump on his carpet.

"Now" said Hermione, "Can you lead me outside?"

"Sure..." said Malfoy.

Through all the twists and turns of the halls, Hermione could finally find her way to the Leaky Cauldron, not realizing she was still naked...

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**Author's Comment: So, how was the story? Sorry, I couldn't write for a bit... a lot of work to do lately. For any comment or ideas, either review or PM me.  
**


	3. The Memoirs of a Tramp

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter... I OWN THEIR PERVERTED PERSONALITIES**_  
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**Author's Note: Woot! I released this chapter a day after my other one! I'm working hard for my beloved readers, so please review! It makes me happy :D**

**Dedicated to: All my reviews, especially Mae Potter for her outstanding support and reviews. GO MAE POTTER!**_  
_

_Through all the twists and turns of the halls, Hermione could finally find her way to the Leaky Cauldron, not realizing she was still naked..._

There she was, entering the Leaky Cauldron, with her hips swaying like the hips of a hippopotamus. Of course, she still did not notice her nudeness in front of this large crow of sexual predators and drunks. Obviously wanting something to remove the taste of Malfoy's SPIT out of her mouth; she decided to get her favourite drink of all. She walked up to Tom, the bartender, and asked:

"The usual, Tomiekins"

"Anything for my best customer" winked Tom.

Tom knew what she was referring to. I mean, she did come in this bar over 10 times a week. He quickly got a martini glass out of his dusty cupboard and poured a thick pink liquid along with a chunky white liquid.

"There you go M'am" said Tom, "5 sickles"

"How about I give you my used dildo?" said Hermione, influentially waving her hot pink dildo, covered in green slime, in front of the seduced man.

"THE SAME DILDO YOU USED TO RAPE 15 MEMBERS OF THE WIZENGAMOT?!" shrieked Tom, sounding like a cheap prostitute.

"That's right" said Hermione, remembering the beautiful summer morning rape...

FLASHBACK

_There she was, standing right outside the secret entrance to the Ministry of Magic, waiting for a piece of Wizengamot meat to do. As soon as she started drooling over the thought of raping them, she just noticed them returning from their meeting._

"_Hello, my dear Wizengamot fellows" said Hermione seductively._

"_Hello, dear girl. How may we help you?" replied the bulkiest of the lot._

_Hermione couldn't control herself any longer... SHE WANTED THEM!_

"_RAWR!" roared Hermione as she pounced on top of 15 members of the Wizengamot._

"_What the—" started one of them, but was interrupted with Hermione tearing all of their clothes off and hoping on their genitals and shoving her pink dildo up many of their anuses._

"_WOO!" moaned Hermione in joy._

_When she was over with the romantic, according to her, rape, she noticed that half of them had broken genitals along with anuses torn to pieces._

"_Now" started Hermione, between violent orgasms, "This was fun!"_

END OF FLASHBACK

"M'am... Are you still there?" said Tom, waving his hand over her eyes.

Suddenly, Hermione snapped out of the sexy flashback:

"Yes, I'm still here," said Hermione, "Still want the dildo?"

"HELLS YEAH!" yelled Tom.

"Promise me you shall use it for the common good of raping others" said Hermione, solemnly.

"DEAL!" he said, drooling over the disgusting piece of item.

"There you go" said Hermione, as she handed over her memorable piece of sex toy.

Hermione took the martini glass and drained it all down her throat. _Mmhmm, yummycherrygum... A delicious mixture of Pepto Bismol with a hint of goat semen..._, thought Hermione.

"M'am... you do realize it is against the Wizarding Code of Conduct to enter a public place naked" said Tom, uneasily.

"Like duh! I do have the highest average in Hogwarts, like GEEZE!" wailed Hermione.

"Alright, then, leave." said Tom

"Make me" said Hermione

"I will" said Tom, as he grabbed Hermione by the hips.

"RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!!!" shrieked Hermione.

All of the sudden, five Ministry Law Enforcers aparated right in front of the scene and stunned Tom, the bartender.

"Weird that he has a pink dildo with him..." said one of the drunk spectators.

"Are you alright, M'am?" said one of the Law Enforcer.

"Yes..." mock-shivered Hermione, as she secretly pocketed her favourite dildo.

"Would you like us to take you home?" said another Law Enforcer.

"YES!" yelled Hermione, "I mean... COUGH please"

As they got ready to take her home using the Floo Network, Hermione pounced on them like some kind of feline.

"RAWR" roared Hermione, as she tore they clothes off and started raping them violently.

The drunks in the Leaky Cauldron seemed to be mistaking the rape for a play, as they cheered Hermione on. After she was done her business, wiped her hands clean and flooed to her beautiful London home...

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**Author's Comment: So, how was it?! So, please review and tell me what you thought of it. And, just to let you know, that story isn't that perverted, I mean, I don't actually graphically described the rapes... GAWD!**


	4. Fortune Favours The Perverted

**Disclaimer: I own the personalities D**

**Author's Note: Yeah. It took me forever to publish a new chapter... I've been awfully busy with school work and musical. I'm stil busy with school work, but I still wrote this. ENJOY!**

**Dedicated to: Nehebka, Markulin, and all my other fans!**

_The drunks in the Leaky Cauldron seemed to be mistaking the rape for a play, as they cheered Hermione on. After she was done her business, wiped her hands clean and flooed to her beautiful London home..._

"I'm home!" shouted Hermione as she stepped out of her marble fireplace.  
Hermione walked towards the kitchen to look for a pack of yummycherrygum. Instead of finding a delicious pack of yummycherrygum, she found her dad having sex with her mom on the kitchen table. Her conscience was debating whether to join in the action or walk away silently, so she won't have to ask what they were doing. I'm pretty sure you all know which option Hermione chose so I don't have to bother saying it... What the hell! I'll say it anyways! SHE JOINED THE ORGY! More specifically, she joined in the left side of her mother and started groping her violently...

"Hunny. Hunny! HUNNY!" yelled her mother, "I told you not to join in any of our orgies!"

"But mom! Everyone else is doing it!" argued Hermione.

"I DON'T CARE!" screamed Mrs. Granger, as Mr. Granger was performing a very complex number 24601 on her while standing up.

Hermione was pissed. First, she doesn't get any yummycherrygum, and then she can't join in a family orgy! Things like that ALWAYS happen to her! She looked out the window to see her neighbours enjoying a beautiful family orgy, which included their daughter, on their front lawn. Hermione sighed. _Maybe I should just give up in the sex industry_, thought Hermione, _Wait! What am I saying! I can't give up! I can rape as many people as I want in Hogwarts! And school starts in a week! In addition, I was made Head Girl, so I can wander the halls at night and rape anyone I want!_ Hermione was back to her perverted self and decided to go upstairs in her chamber to enjoy some of her favourite "Nubians Gone Wild" tapes. She dashed through the stairs and kicked her door open. Unfortunately, she saw something that really turned her hormones off and I'm sure you'd think that it was impossible. On her very bed, Aaron Carter was making not-so-sweet anal love with her cherished stuffed animals.

"BLERGHAHAHAHAHA!" shrieked Hermione in pure agony, as the low-life, Aaron Carter, was continuing his actions.

"Mhmhmmhmm Rene... MMMHMMHM!" moaned Aaron, as he gave himself pleasure.

Hermione could not handle it anymore. She got her magic dildo out and cursed the hell out of the maniac.

"Take that, you piece of waste matter excreted by the kidneys, in humans being a yellowish, slightly acid, watery fluid!" rambled Hermione, in pure hatred.

Thankfully, Aaron Carter, terrified, left as soon as possible and continued the making of another lame album. Hermione was devastated. All of her childhood toys were covered in a rather thick, red liquid. _At least I still have my Nubians Gone Wild collection_, thought Hermione, rather gloomily. As she strutted towards her mountain of extremely disgusting pornography, she noticed an owl taking a dump on her school bag.

"Shoo! SHOO!!!" yelled Hermione.

"HOOT! HOOT!" fluttered the owl.

Suddenly, Hermione realized that the extremely white owl was none other than Harry's owl, Hedwig, carrying a letter on its left paw. Hermione grabbed the bird violently and ripped its leg off, in order to open the letter. The owl did some more owl noises and flew out the window, bleeding uncontrollably.

"This better be important" said Hermione, as she opened the letter.

_Dear Hermione,_

_Since school starts in around a week, I was wondering if you wanted to go buy our school stuff with me. I know you have no life, so meet me RIGHT NOW outside the Leaky Cauldron. Don't forget to put a tampon on... it's your time-of-the-month._

_Your sex buddy,_

_Harry_

"A boy who knows my menstrual cycle? Oh! He knows me! He really knows me!" shrieked Hermione, in pure joy as she shoved a tampon between her legs.

In roughly 5 minutes, Hermione had apparated right in front of the Leaky Cauldron, dressed up as a tramp and ready for some action.

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**Author's Comment: I hope you enjoyed the story. Feel free to give me ideas on what to include in my next chapter. REVIEW D**


	5. The Weighing of the Wands

**Disclaimer: I own HARRY POTTER! MUAHAHAHAH!!!! (I hope you know I'm joking)**

**Author's Note: Yay! I'm writing even more stories :D I gotta do my homework though... Anyways, enjoy!**

**Special Thanks to: Nehebka and Jules for the great ideas.**

"_A boy who knows my menstrual cycle? Oh! He knows me! He really knows me!" shrieked Hermione, in pure joy as she shoved a tampon between her legs._

_In roughly 5 minutes, Hermione had apparated right in front of the Leaky Cauldron, dressed up as a tramp and ready for some action._

Hermione has been waiting for Harry in front of the Leaky Cauldron for about 32 second.

"Where in the name of Mae Potter is he?!" ranted Hermione, as she read her watch.

Coming from behind the nearby bookshop, Harry could be seen carrying a heavy load of school supplies. As he came closer to Hermione, he tripped and dropped all of his supplies on Hermione.

"Oops. Sorry about that!" whimpered Harry, fearing that Hermione will curse him into oblivion.

"How DARE you?! First, you rape the Dursleys when I was going to, then, you dump your GARBAGE all over me!" yelled Hermione, making a huge scene around them.

"Hermione... wait... NO!" screamed Harry, as Hermione tore his clothes off and started raping him violently.

It was a horrible sight, trust me. This was probably the most... well... let's just say the "bloodiest" rape yet. After all, Harry's privates were covered in both Hermione's menstrual blood and Harry's anal bleeding. You could also notice Hermione's used tampon lying on Harry's forehead. After concluding her actions, she got up, wiped her hands clean of her act and started kicking Harry's ribs.

"Take that, you filthy little plug of absorbent material inserted into a body cavity or wound to check a flow of blood or to absorb secretions, especially one designed for insertion into the vagina during menstruation!" screeched Hermione, in anger.

As Hermione walked away, she glanced at one of the books that were lying on the ground. It was called "Advanced Arithmancy". _Hohmeegosh, he bought my books for me and this is what I did to him!_, thought Hermione in regret, _Oh well!_ Hermione picked up her books and left to go to towards her favourite store: Sexoholics' Tavern for Magical Sex Toys and Lubricants. However, as she got close to the store, she noticed Ron running right passed her, without any clothes on. What a terrible sight it was! Anyways, Hermione decided to run after him. After all, when a nude person runs past you, they always lead to some more sexual events. As she was chasing after him, Ron seemed to be going towards a place where no one would ever expect anything sexual at all: Ollivanders. Nevertheless, Hermione entered the store right after Ron. When she was inside, Ron didn't seem to be anywhere.

"Hello? Is anybody there?" said Hermione, eyeing every inch of the place.

After receiving not a single response, Hermione decided to enter the back room, where all the wands were located. She kicked the door open, to see endless shelves filled with small, thin boxes. Hermione took one of the boxes, expecting to find a wand inside. Instead of a wand, she found a rather large orange dildo.

"Uh?" uttered Hermione in confusion.

All of a sudden, she heard a noise coming from a couple shelves away. Hermione dropped the dildo and approached the location of where the noise came from. What she saw was perhaps that hottest, most spontaneous, and lubricated thing she ever saw in her life. What she saw was... was... Ah, I just want to keep you guys in suspense... Fine, I'll say it... What she saw was... Hold on, I have an itch... Ah, there. What I meant to say what that Hermione saw Mr. Ollivander raping Ginny Weasley on the floor using some of his finest wands. All you could see is sparks coming of each wand he would use and Ginny having orgasms after Mr. Ollivander used each wand. Oh, you wouldn't believe how much Hermione wanted to join in, but she just couldn't. Why couldn't she, you ask? Well, because... Well... I can't remember anymore... Slipped out of my mind... Uh... Well... I guess Hermione joined in that fabulous orgy as fast as she could. She, as always, tore her clothes off and ordered Mr. Ollivander to try some of his finest wands on her.

"Um... Excuse me? This is a private session. Now, goodbye!" said Mr. Ollivander in a rather bitchy manner.

Hermione was not going to take this. Never in her life had someone been so rude to her. She was going to do something about it and something BIG. Hermione put her clothes back on, not really paying attention to what she was doing. She ended up putting her mini skirt as a shirt and her tang top as a skirt. She did not care, for she was going to make Mr. Ollivander pay for what he did.

"I'd like to file for rape, please" said Hermione, standing in front of Magical Law Enforcement Office.

"And who would you like to file against?" said the quite unattractive secretary.

"Mr. Ollivander, owner of Ollivanders. I went into his store to ask for direction on how to get to Gringotts, but he pulled me into one of his traps. He tore my uterus apart using many of his expensive wands. I just got away after he dumped me into the trash. Oh, he also had an assistant! Ginny Weasley!" said Hermione, adding in some fake tears in between.

"Well, Miss Granger, that sounds highly unlikely—" started the secretary.

"Okay. Fine! WHO DO I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH TO GET SOME JUSTICE AROUND HERE?!" screamed Hermione, causing a huge scene in front of her counter.

"Miss Granger... Miss Granger! Shhhhh! I'll make sure he gets a punishment for what he has done as long as you just SHUT UP!" whispered the secretary, angrily.

"Thank you" said Hermione, as she stepped out of the room...

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**Author's Comment: So yeah. Hope you liked it. REVIEW! Feel free to share your ideas for the next chapter with me. If you're lucky, I'll end up it!**


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